i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
