i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
