And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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