just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
