So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
