party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
