All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
