Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
