I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
