My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's just like the Real World with babies
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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