Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Ketchup is God's man juice
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
