Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you would pick up someone in the library
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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