is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
