I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
