your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
