If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
