so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
