He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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