I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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