dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
