Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we made out on top of his cat.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
