i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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