I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
