K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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