help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
