I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
