He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
