best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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