just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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