dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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