I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
