Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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