i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
