There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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