just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Everyone says I win the strip club
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
