Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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