I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
