Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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