carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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