Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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