My sheets look like a crime scene.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
