YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
