i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
