DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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