i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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