see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
