What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
