I just pynch a tree in the face
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
