I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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