it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
